Tuesday evening, I was able to hear a good friend talk to a group of ladies about spiritual direction. I have had spiritual directors at several times of my life, but am currently without a ‘formal’ director. I have friends who have been spiritual guides for me especially in the recent months and trials we are enduring, but nothing formalized. I kept wondering though throughout the presentation whether it would be possible to do spiritual direction as a couple. If the two who are married are truly one flesh and have one spirit as our goal, wouldn’t it make sense to do spiritual direction as a couple?
But, then another thought bounced around my head. Isn’t your spouse already a spiritual director? Or should he/she automatically be in that role due to the goal of wanting to help you to gain heaven? Maybe I am wrong in my prayer that as I look into my spouse’s eyes with the love of God and my love for him in my heart, I pray that I can see his soul.
This isn’t always easy to do. In fact, it is easier NOT to do. It is so much easier to just close my eyes and ignore his thoughts and feelings. To take a quick glance and when seeing his tiredness, just back away rationalizing that you are really just letting him rest. Are you really doing the right thing though? NO! Even when we are tired, both of us dog-tired after running in this race we call daily life, we NEED to connect emotionally and spiritually. How else can anyone truly live that one flesh union that marriage calls us to?
So, I am issuing a challenge to all of my married friends, male and female (yes, even those of you who have newborns and are barely surviving due to sleep deprivation), take a few moments each and every day to look into your spouse’s eyes. Put aside all other thoughts, concerns, worries, schedules etc — anything that takes you away from the moment — and look into your spouse’s eyes. Look into their eyes and look for their soul just as you used to when you were just dating. Find that soul again and reconnect.
But what do you do if your spouse isn’t willing? What if there is already a barrier that has been built up between you? KNOCK it down! Get INTO his/her face if needed and make that contact! Be not afraid!
I command you: be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD, your God, is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
If we all truly did this and took down the walls that Satan builds between us, walls of doubt, shame, guilt, fear of rejection, and so much more, would we ever need such a thing as divorce in our world?