Monthly Archives: August 2012

that elusive sense of happiness….

Oh, how well I know that happiness is not found in the things around us. It is found in the secrecy of the soul.

St. Therese, The Little Flower

When I saw this quote this morning in my email, I had to stop and reflect.  I am no different from everyone else.  As much as I know that my time here on earth is not meant to be all happiness, candy and flowers, I can’t help but wish it wasn’t true.  So, when I saw this quote today from St. Therese, one of my favorite saints, I stopped in my tracks.  Am I just going through life mostly accepting that happiness is too elusive to grasp this side of heaven?  Many times, I think I am.  This is usually when I am feeling sorry for myself because I don’t “feel” happy.

But, are these thoughts valid in the light of St. Therese’s quote?  The first part of her quote is SO true and easily understood.  As I read it, I felt my inner self nodding her head sagely saying — so true, so true!  But, as I read the second half, I had to stop and realize that my initial thoughts that true happiness isn’t to be found until I reach my goal of heaven wasn’t accurate either!  I’ve always known that God doesn’t ‘intend’ for us to be miserable in this life.  But, so many prayers and hymns speak of this ‘valley of tears’ and of how the trials of this life are a cleansing for our future with God.  So, when I read that it can be found here and now within my own soul??  Wow!  Stunning!

Scary though too!  I think that I know myself pretty well.  But, plumbing the depths of my own soul, is frightening to say the least.  I know I have good within me.  God made me good.  But, I also know that I have dark within me.  And it is that darkness that scares me.

Happiness equals light.  So, the concept that there is light, happiness, within that darkness is intriguing!  And also feels so hopeful!  🙂

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The countdown has begun…

In only a matter of days, we will be starting our new school year.  Have I achieved all that I had hoped to achieve this summer?  HA!  Not even close!!!

Do I have all of our books, supplies and pencils sitting at their places ready to begin the year.  Nope.

Do I have all of my lesson plans printed out, copies made, red pencils sharpened (or better yet… found?), teacher’s keys in easy reach?  No, no, no and no.

Am I ready?  Yes and no.  I am ready for life to move into a more steady routine.  And I am not ready for life to move into a more steady routine.  And yes… I mean exactly what that said.  I LOVE the structure and organization of our days when we are actively schooling.  By being organized and scheduled, I can accomplish so much more in a week because I absolutely HAVE to.  But, I am also a person who loves to follow the path that Jesus leads me on.  I can learn so much from Him if I open my plans and allow Him to rearrange activities to something He knows would be better to do.  When I am scheduled and organized, it is much harder to be open to the changes that life and my faith can throw me.  Instead, I tend to stick to the plan or else I get so far behind I fret that I won’t ever catch up.

But, isn’t that what the road to Emmaus teaches us?  We have a destination in mind.  We set out on that path, visiting with those fellow travelers stumbling along with us.  It can be such a good time to talk and listen when walking!  My dream is to be on that walk with Jesus and just imagine what he would be saying to me about all that has happened this summer.  Has anything as big and important as His resurrection occurred?  No.  But, so much more has occurred within our political environment, church environment, let alone our individual lives.  We aren’t the people we were a few short months ago.  So, it would be SUCH an interesting conversation to hear what He had to say about all of it.

Am I being open to hear Him speaking to me about my daily life?  Am I listening or am I (as usual) doing all of the talking?  Am I even aware that there is a fellow traveler on this road of my life?

Before we reach the end of the countdown, it is definitely time to make sure the above questions are definitive YES’s.  Without that as the basis, we’ll be wandering around the desert for 40 years.  And I sure would like to graduate some kids before they are 40+ years old!!  LOL!  So, more important than having all of the lesson plans for the year complete, all the copies made, even all the books found…. it is time to find God.  All else will come together in His time.

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